Lord love a duck

Someone must be able to answer this question.

Why is it that men think they need retina eye scan level security clearance to open a dishwasher, yet at the same time don't get that they need it to take Tupperware and cutlery out of this house?

You know that woman scorned theory?

I did not laugh uproariously when I read this article, really I didn't because that would be small and  a stamp of approval.

Which would be wrong:

the 45-year-old Polish man dumped his dentist girlfriend, 34-year-old Anna Machowiak, for another woman. Mere days later, Olszewski somehow thought it was a reasonable idea to go to his jilted ex for dental surgery where he got more work done than he had bargained for.

This guy is not the brightest light bulb for sure, but I understand it is hard to find a good dentist.

"I tried to be professional and detach myself from my emotions," Machowiak  tells the Daily Mail. "But when I saw him lying there, I just thought, 'What a bastard.'"

Not me I thought what a clueless,  dumbass.

As for Olszewski, he is single once again. His new girlfriend apparently couldn't deal with his new, toothless appearance.

I hate it women are shallow like that. :O)

Have you ever ?

when your partner comes to bed,
wakes you up,
adjusts pillows,
fidgets,
Tosses,
turns,
moves around endlessly,
turns on the light to remove a hangnail that got caught on a something,
readjusts pillows,
wraps covers around self like a cocoon,
takes covers off because they decide they are too hot or too heavy,
adjusts pillows,
decide socks need to come off to be comfortable,
adjusts pillows,
turn radio off because that HAS got to be the thing that is keeping them awake,
adjusts pillows...

and if you even so much as sigh, they ask stupid questions like:

How come your awake?

Which just makes you want to smack them upside the head , (baseball bat or cast iron frying pan anyone?) but you don't because you know tomorrow it won't even be on your radar of important stuff?

Na me neither......

Now why did you have to go and say that?

The Cattleman and his brother are going away this weekend to San Francisco. A once in a life time birthday Present for their 70 year old father. Have tickets for the 49er's game and the Oakland Raiders game, A hockey game on Friday, I think it is san Jose. Trip has been planned for over a year, all paid for,  So Grand Baby or no Grand Baby the trip is on.

Which is actually NOT a problem for me. The only NFL trip this year for the guys, so go nuts and enjoy your tailgating, dress up games and see when you get back.

What does bother me?

A conversation heard in our bedroom sometime last night.

Cattleman: Grey I just wanted you to know that I bought a present for the new baby.

Grey (That would be moi): O.K. .....

Cattleman: I put in the closet behind the other presents we have wrapped.

Grey: O.K.......

Cattleman: I just want her know that I thought of her before I went on this trip.

Insert visual of blink eyed grey here:

Grey ( still moi) : I don't follow....

Cattleman: I just wanted her to have something just from me and to know that I loved her and thought of her before she was even born.

Grey: WTHoodles are you yapping about? Did you have some weird dream message?

Cattleman: No! You just never know (He's not that crazy about flying) and it's important that I know she ( I have the cattleman convinced it's a girl) knows how I feel about her.


Grey: I have never worried about you once when you go on these trips....

What men understand about women can be written on the head of a pin and still leave room for the fairies to dance on it....

I hate to ruin a good male fantasy,

But if you need this to fight off the zombies,




Aren't the zombies already eating you?

Mind you, I bet this young lady could have used one:

During the struggle, the girl's calls to her mother were cut off at least three times. The girl somehow managed to call her mother back each time. A helpless Tsyganenkov could only listen in horror to her daughter's screams for mercy.
In a second call to her mother, Moskalyova said, "Mum, the bears are back. She came back and brought her three babies. They're... eating me," The Daily Mail reported.

I change my mind, because what do I know about  the most appropriate weapon for nuclear mutant Zombie fighting? I'm currently stuck with the grand plan of throwing day old biscuits at them...

Millions of women burst out into applause

in appreciation of this rare bit of common sense.

Roy Lester is out to prove that no man above the age of 50 has any business wearing a skimpy, form-hugging Speedo.
In 2007, Lester was forced out of the Jones Beach lifeguard job he had held for four decades when he was told he had to squeeze into a Speedo for the annual swim test.
The 61-year-old Long Island man, who preferred his slightly more modest pair of biking shorts, refused and lost his job.
Lester sued the state, claiming age discrimination, arguing the Speedo is for the washboard stomach set, not aging dads like him.
"I wore a Speedo when I was in my 20s," Lester said. "But come on. There should be a law prohibiting anyone over the age of 50 from wearing a Speedo."

When a woman thinks "male in a speedo" she may dream of the following:




But this (sadly) is our reality:

Not that I am for banning anything for purely esthetic reasons, But I  I could almost go for this one... and I am NOT discounting the fact that we ladies have our own issues with skimpy bathing suits on bodies less then perfect.....I'm just saying....

Of Princess Brides and Men folk

There is a whole bunch I do not understand about men. I like men very much, I do not find them all scary or too hairy for my comfort, but they are weird/strange/odd/so very different thinking then us gals and I do not get them what so ever. I been married to one for many a year, not only do I  Love him but somehow have managed to stay "in like" with him all these years, no small feat, I have birthed a few men folk ( also no small feat) and even have a few men as friends, but there are still these things see that I will neeeeever evvvvvvvvvvver understand.

What is it with men and the movies they like? Let us examine The Princess Bride for example, It used to be one of the Cattleman's favorites. ( I may have ruined it for him or he just won't fess up to it any longer. I think he still watches it when I am not home or gone to the summer place) Whhhhaaaat you say? T'is the truth a favorite, men have confessed to me their fondness for this flick. I was blissfully unaware of it's existence until one night, waaaaaaay back in the day, the Cattleman came back from the video store with his very own VHS copy of the Princess bride. It was like  Woo Hoo moment or something......for him,  but I digress.

Great news Honey! I was able to pick up one of my favorite movies at the used rack, your gonna love it, it's a romantic comedy. Of course my feminine ears were all a perky and pleased as punched by this news. But it soon became apparent to me that the Princess Bride is as much a romantic comedy as The Sound of Music is a Nazi great escape type war movie.

Sure it does have a princess, sure it is funny in a way, but any movie that has torture and Marx brother/ Abbott ans Costello level comedy, with a running gags all the way through it are NOT, and I  repeat for emphasis NOT romantic comedies.

Another small thing, why oh why do men remember lines from these hideous movies and insert them into life, into conversations? Going to the mattresses (oops sorry that is from another of my all time despised bore fests) One MILLION dollars,(still wrong movie) I want that Baby in my tummy now (come on now!) Sleeps with the fishes (dang same bore fest) An  offer he couldn't refuse (snap I really hate that movie and this post is NOT about that movie) Pop quiz hot shot...what are ya gonna do! ( I actually like that movie) I wake up in the morning and I pee excellence, (closer now that was supposed to be a comedy)   Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.( there we go, right movie this time) inconceivable!


Why do men do that? We women don't go around inserting dialogue from..say... Moonlighting do we? We don't tell men they are a wolf and bit off their own hand because the wolf in them knew that they had the wrong woman before they were blessed with us, do we? Old man you feed my food to those dogs again and I'll kick ya till your dead. ( I always kinda wanted to say that but haven't had an occasion.) We don't go all Lauren Becall and quote: You know how how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow. Do we Ohhhhhh baby are ya happy to see me or is that a gun in your pocket. (O.K. maybe that one I'll give ya) Do we do this quote thing ladies? No, we do not.  It's just plain weird.

O.K. I'm done now. Carry on. :O)

P.S. I just asked the Cattleman why he loves that movie: Because it's Inconceivable that he wouldn't...oh brother..oh yes he did go there.......so here it is Just like Joel ( a straight rip off)  the inconcievable clip.







P.S. Joel this is NOT about you using that clip in your post, really it just touched off something else..entirely different. Really. :O)

Pshychedelic Sunday

As in a guy would have to be doing some serious Psychedelic drugs to get rid of a gal for this reason:

Yes I know Joel and Claire have done it already, but most folks I know would have ZERO clue who Joel and Claire are....so they haven't had a chance to see it.  :O)

One more time with feeling....

Just to highlight my contention that Men Are Weird.

They do stuff like this to Friends????



I don't get them......

Sometimes I wonder about that man.

A  conversation that took place in my kitchen:

Cattleman: Your coming up to a mile stone soon.

Grey: What do you mean?

Cattleman: Your ?? TH (ain't gonna tell ya which one) Birthday is just around the corner.

Grey: Oh that...... It's just a number, no biggie.

Cattleman: You want me to throw you a surprise Birthday party? People are asking me or do you just want a quiet dinner type get together?

Insert visual of blinky eyed Grey right here .

Grey: Are you aware of what the definition of  "SURPRISE" is?

Cattleman: Yeah I know, but I thought you should have input it is YOUR  ?? TH (still not saying) Birthday.

Grey:  OOOOOOOO. Kaaaaaaay. Lets just have a huge BBQ for everyone up at the lake when we open up.

Cattleman: Sounds great......I'll let everyone know you don't want a surprise party then....

Grey: You do that.

Lord love a duck!

Ya buy one little wooden plate with pithy words of wisdom on it as a decor item and the hubby decides you must love anything that even remotely resembles the damn thing. Other friends and family see these things multiply due to his charmingly misguided efforts and before ya know it, it's the thing to buy for Grey because gosh darn she has so many of the things, SHE MUST LOVE THEM.

All of a sudden a impulse buy is an invitation to family and friends to fuel a full fledged involuntary collection...sheesh who knew?

All I can say is thank goodness I didn't buy that primitive hand carved giraffe, (that for about 2 whole seconds) I thought was kinda interesting .....

Lord Love a duck!

You would think I threw out the Holy grail instead of his old flat grayed  pillows, never even noticed  the sweet caress of downy comfort, the fresh crispness and scent of the new ones...noooooo.

Sheesh....who knew they were sacred?

Do I appear blond to you?

Alternative title: Some times you have to spend money to save money.

Last night the Cattleman came home with a decided bounce to his step, actually he was almost dancing a wee gleeful jig.

Whats that about I wondered........... for about 37 seconds.

Since the beginning of our marriage the Cattleman and his fellow NFL worshipers, brothers, man friends have had these guy weekends. It started off as once a year and had clearly morphed to two times which has since morphed in three times  over the years. What do I care? Everyone needs time away from reality, time to decompress, time with friends and brothers that you don't aways manage to have time for on a regular basis. I actually like those weekends as I get to..er...purge the house of certain objects that the cattleman might notice, object to if he were around. It's a good thing don't cha know.

Well any way back to the jigster, seems that the "regulars" had put themselves on the Season Tickets list of the nearest NFL team, also THE TEAM of the majority of the weekenders. Three of them got calls, tickets standing all in a lovely row right beside each other came up ( it was apparently fate or Karma or something) and now we are the proud owners of NFL season's tickets. Yipeeee...for him.

Now I was surprised at the cost of the tickets which was the angle the Cattleman decided to take with me. A whole season of tickets actually, in theory anyway, cost less then what he would pay a scalper for just two, count them two games. What a great deal.....The best part of it is that there will be these left over tickets to 8 other games that he can sell...in theory. See sometimes you have to spend money to save money or as in this case make money. Sure that will happen. Call me a pessimist or cynical, I know the cattleman will stick to the three weekends, it may hurt but he will do it, this fall and winter, but I can see the future in my crystal ball: Three weekends will morph into four weekends before the jig is finished, just may morph into more weekends, after all if they don't sell those tickets it would be such a waste........Which could even work to my advantage ( she thought in a crafty manner) if I get some notice, I could start some projects while he is gone. I wonder how hard it is to tile a bathroom......

The understated elegance of simple plan...

What you get when you cross MacGyver and  Stroud ?

After being stranded for days in an area just south of Wollaston Lake, he cut down four power poles in hopes of attracting attention. According to SaskPower's James Parker, he was spotted by a helicopter last Friday. "We fly the line to see what the issue is. So naturally our folks went down to rescue him. He was in a very distressed state when we got to him."

This has got to be a guy thing...right?

It's your money

But you gotta know that your life lacks any real meaning when your fixing your "self esteem" problem with this.

What?????

Conversation in my living room:

The Grey Lady:  I think I went over board with  the Anne Coulter thing on my blog.

Cattleman:  What do ya mean?

The Grey Lady:  You know.

Cattleman:  No, I never saw it.

The Grey Lady:  Huh?

Cattleman:  I don't read your blog unless you ask me to,. that's your private place.

The Grey Lady:  Private? The internet is private? Since when?