My lord love a duck

My dearest Cattleman,

When I lay down for the night and have you by my side I feel safe in this crazy world, I feel calm, I gather strength from you and know we will always together.

Until you start that infernal snoring, then I plot ways to get one of the children to move out so I can have their room.

Heh.....

obligatory Valentines post

After all these years, still crazy about the Cattleman. When we decided to make a permanent arrangement I told him not only did I love him, but more importantly I LIKED him.

I think at the time he was a wee bit confused and perhaps he was a a tad insulted. I know he gets it now...

Heh, what can I say?

In honour of the day, the song we played at our wedding:

She exhaled slowly

The Cattleman is cancer free!

That's the long and the short of it, once I was told I felt my whole body sag with complete and utter relief. I had no idea I was holding myself so tight these past five months.

I took the call at the beach and I don't care if  tears of joy  flowed, the wind was up and sand was flying....

He had a very bad case of pneumonia that's all, sometimes if you let it go long enough with out treatment you can do some serious damage.(Like some folks have been known to die from it silly man)  But he is clear of that and will continue to gain strength. Now he needs to do some work to get his old health, strength and vigor back. We will have to watch him  this fall, winter and spring to make sure he does not allow it to take hold again. We will have him whipped up into shape as fast as...he will let us. :O)

BTW Mr. "I no longer have enough behind to make a decent fingerprint", if you think I am going to continue  ignoring  those empty   Harvey's bags, Swiss chalet , Chinese take out, chocolate milk containers, pizza pizza boxes and  Oh Henry bar wrappers that I keep seeing in your vehicle....... Think again.....

Because every man is a unique gift

something like a snowflake:

The Cattleman has gotten the call, they have the results of his scans, he goes tomorrow to hear the "news".


A conversation at our fire pit last night.

Cattleman: Ya know....I'm proud of what we have built.

Grey's head snaps up and turns (that would be me) and with a 'tude in  my tone I ask: What do you mean by that? Does that mean you are ready to roll over for whatever news you get Wednesday?

Cattleman: Hell NO just wanted you to know that I have no regrets.

Grey (still moi): No regrets that is just fine, you sure that's all it means?

Cattleman: Yup just wanted you to know.

Grey: Well baby, that is just about the sweetest thing you have ever said to me. But ya know if it was the other thing I would have kicked you till you bled....

Finally some good news

Cattleman went to the Specialist today for a follow up after some tests that have been done.

And the survey says?

Inner Lung cancer- nope

Cancer of the throat- nope

Cancer of the bronchial tubes/voice box- nope

T.B.- nope

C.O.P.D.- nope

Fungal infestation of the lungs-(WTFIT?)  nope

Asbestos Damage- nope

Damage due to exposure to gasses etc over his career.- nope


Now we are just waiting to get the call for his CT Scan. We have been on the list for two months now and we haven't even heard when we might expect an appointment. Probably three to six months more wait. This CT Scan will tell us if he has cancer on the outer portion of the lungs. I asked him tonight if he would like to just jump over the boarder and buy a scan. Here in Canerder we can't buy a scan, it's illegal for a private company to provide this service, so if we want to jump the Q we have to go to the US. We could get an appointment with in days and we would have our hearts and minds at rest with in days instead of worrying if he has the cancer and letting it go untreated  and possibly spread in the Five to Eight months it takes to get an appointment for this important diagnostic tool. He said he didn't think that would be necessary and was confident all will be fine. O.K. but you can change your mind any day you want and we are gone Mr. Stoic.

Now if we could have gotten an MRI or a CT Scan months ago the Cattleman would not have had to have all those other tests and procedures. (which all cost money and take up precious time of hospitals, Doctors and their staff.) But OH NO we can't find the money for more MRI's or CT or PET Scans. That is some expensive shit there. But if my dog had a problem I could buy him a MRI/PET/CT Scan and be booked within two days. WTFIUWT? Does that make any frickin sense to any sane soul out there?

I'll take my good news, yes I am grateful and try not to spoil it with complaining about lack of medical options for humans in this country. We had good news, I expect to continue to have good news,  We will continue to plan and prepare as if we expect bad news.

Hope for the best, plan for the worst and I dare to dream I will never have to implement it.

TImes they are a changing

Back in April I published a post about the Cattleman and his disappearing rear end.

I removed it as it was a tad depressing and really very personal. After all why write about a (stranger to you) medical issue, nothing more boring then other's medical issues and at the same time nothing more engrossing then your own family's medical issues. 

Posting has been light as (probably for a short time) I couldn't give  rat's behind about politics, corruption, police outrages, these things will happen regardless of my observance and snarky commentary. T'is the way of the world don't ya know. Evil flourishes, real justice is an ideal that will  never to see the light of day, the world will turn, scammers will churn their tales to fleece the unsuspecting sheeples, good folks will silently go about their business improving the world one heart or soul at a time. These things will happen with or with out my voice added to the cacophony.

OMG! I can not believe I spelt cacophony correctly! It's a miracle I tells ya! A miracle!

Alright back to my point (and yes I promise I do sort of have one,) seems the focus of this blog just might be changing. Previously I have avoided talking about my family in any depth as their stories are theirs, not just mine but as time goes by I have decided that I am going to have to revise my decision.

So if you are interested in continuing your visits to a blog about a peri-menopausal anxiety ridden weirdly opinionated woman, who has 8 children,  who is faced with the possible mortality of her life long mate, who has loved her blessed life, but forced to make some life long changes.

You are in the right place........

Competing Neurosis

What happens when we have two people who live together but they have certain idiosyncratic habits that are not always conducive to smooth sailing?????

This morning we are attempting to get to our summer place. I being slightly  germ/bug a phobic flick on the dishwasher before we get in the vehicles to depart.

Cattleman: What are you doing?

Grey (Moi): Turning on the dish washer, I am not leaving dishes for two or three days gross...

Cattleman: I am not leaving that thing running while we are gone, what if something goes wrong? Fire.

Insert visual of blinky eyed Grey right here.

Grey (still moi): But I run the thing while we are asleep..

Cattleman: Different thing all together.

Grey: Different?

Cattleman: Yup completely different.

Grey: How?

Cattleman: It is and I am not leaving until it is finished.

Grey (again moi): I guess I shouldn't mention that I also put a load in the dryer which I forgot yesterday then?

So we wait........

You can skip this one,

It's just for me.

I have always found the cattleman's behind to be  a thing of beautiful engineering and a symbol of his inner health and power.  He's always had one of those athletic bottoms that bring a smile to my face. One of those bottoms that when he is walking you can see the definition and every muscle work in concert together. Yeah one of those "one in a million" perfect bottoms of a fit and muscular man.

Men lots of women are into man butts, yes we are, this shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone.

Just over two weeks ago the Cattleman came home from work and went straight to bed, no dinner (or breakfast as he works nights lately) Got up, took his food and off to work again. This pattern repeats it's self for about a week during which he gets a wee cough, that quickly upgrades to a serious cough, which quickly upgrades to coughing up blood. This is very bad and he is a very bad Cattleman to hide such a thing from GL and try to continue working all the while feeling like a bag of mashed manure. His feeling is he has always been healthy and able to get over everything so why would this little hitch be any different? If you ignore something long enough it will go away....men are weird and need a good kick in the bottom sometimes.

Lets try to long story shorten it about here shall we? I found out what he is hiding from me, grabbed his fine behind and took him to see his doctor, thank you, thank you, thank you,  family doctor who saw him as soon as I mention the blood. He has one of the following three things, Pneumonia (had it a while by the docs estimation, on some super serious antibiotics) that new fangled T.B. that's all the rage again, Probably not but sent for tests on Thursday and Friday and the big C. Probably not as he has not smoked in over twenty six years.  Except for tests and doctor visits this man has not been out of been able to stay awake, no appetite, no energy.

Back to my love of the Cattleman's bottom. I saw it Friday, I mean I really had a good look at it assisting him from the shower back to bed and what I witnessed, it scared the bejabbers out of me. All definition, all musculature is gone. How the hell does that happen in a two or three weeks? How does one's body deteriorate so fast in such a short time frame. Dumbass letting this go, I could kick him in his dumbass and not feel the least bit sorry about it.

I think for the first time I am actually contemplated a possible future without my rock, my partner in thought crime, the love of my life. I have no wish to do this, no interest in raising all these children myself, (It has made me realize I do need a more solid plan b, the cattleman and I have taken care of things financially but is that enough? sucks but there it is) so once he is over this little road bump I am whipping him, really US, back into shape. No more Mrs. nice GL nope not me. Drill Sargent GL, hyper picky dietitian GL is what it's gonna be...once he gets better he's gonna wish he was back in the sick bed I tell ya.